Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
