and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
