You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We need a shit load of segways right now
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
