You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
