she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
God, I missed his penis.
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