when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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