look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
