I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
