My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
