I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I got inside last night via doggy door
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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