I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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