At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
