considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I currently don't understand fingers.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
