My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
