I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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