Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
