i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
