he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
