If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
