Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
