The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
