If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
