don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
