I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
