she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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