the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
