I smell stomach acid.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How does one acquire holy water?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
