btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
