I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
not ubering you a puppy
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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