so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize