We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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