i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
