I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
