thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
