why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Randomize
