I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
