Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
