ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
