there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
