My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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