He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Floor bacon is actually really good
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
