i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
