I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
