my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
