I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
