Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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