shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
