PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
