How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
