I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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