If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize