found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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