Welp...herpes.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
