I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
