Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
