Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
