Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
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I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I could fuck to npr.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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