Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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