went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
