After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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