I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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