Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
