she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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