He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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