Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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