Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
