Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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