also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
