On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
