Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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