if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
