Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
