either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
