just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
