Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
