Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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