i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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