ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
