i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
