I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
