I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
