Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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