I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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