I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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