I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
